When we dream bigger for ourselves, the ‘Not Good Enough Trap’ often shows up. We can quickly slip into feeling unworthy, afraid, or like an imposter. Here’s why this happens and some changes you can make.
1. Lowered Expectations
Feeling and believing that we’re not good enough, or are unworthy, is common for women. Studies have shown this.
The women I’ve coached have come up against not feeling good enough when they face taking the next step in their business or career. I’ve also tackled this issue at various times in my career.
Feeling and believing we’re not good enough can stop us from moving forward.
It can slow our progress.
It can also stop us from expecting more for ourselves, or even enough for ourselves.
2. Sounds Like
This is what not good enough, unworthy, or like an imposter, can sound like:
- “I’m not qualified”
- “I don’t have enough education”
- “I can’t charge that much”
- “I can’t raise my rates that high”
- “I don’t deserve to make more than I actually need to live on”
- “I can’t compete with them”
- “Who is going to listen to me” …
3. Feels Like
The feelings connected to ‘less than’ thoughts can be a lack of energy, feeling depressed, wanting to give up, not daring to dream, and so on. I think you got the picture.
4. Why it Happens
Here’s the thing. Feelings and beliefs about not being good enough aren’t who you are. They often come from long-standing cultural, societal, and sometimes family messages and beliefs, which we’ve internalized.
5. Blaming Ourselves
There is another layer to this.
Studies have shown that women blame themselves when something goes wrong.
Men on the other hand find something external to blame.
John Gray, author of Men are Mars, Women are From Venus, and I had an enlightening conversation about this when I interviewed him a few years ago.
6. The Good News
If you relate to any of this, the good news is you don’t have to stay stuck.
It is possible to replace any beliefs and patterns that don’t support your wellbeing with new positive ones.
7. Re-Wire Your Brain
In coaching sessions, we focus on a woman’s personal growth along with the growth of her vision. The two go hand in hand.
When any doubts or insecurities come up, which can happen when we lay out action steps for the growth of her business, career, or cause, we don’t just talk about those fears. We start the process to re-wire her brain for success.
Here are just three of the powerful brain re-wiring techniques we use:
- Acknowledge any thoughts that trigger your doubts or insecurities. Especially thoughts connected to action taking.
- Change your story from ‘I Can’t’ to ‘I Can’. Speak as if you are doing it!
- Experience the positive feelings from this ‘I Can’ version of you. The brain loves this.
8. Like Attracts Like
You may also need to take a hard look at the people you associate with. What do you talk about? Problems and complaints. Or are you focused on growth and positive outcomes.
Like attracts like. Who do you want to be like? That’s who you need to hang out with.
9. Put Yourself First
As women, we often put other people’s needs before our own.
“You need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first”, says Kathy Ireland, Founder, Chair, CEO, and Chief Designer at Kathy Ireland Worldwide, a highest ranked billion-dollar woman owned company.
I’ll add, it’s vital to your growth and wellbeing to put yourself at the top of your to-do list.
To do this, let yourself receive help. Practicing new techniques can be easier when you have guidance and support.
Get coaching, join a mastermind group, or find a few positive accountability partners. The sky is the limit.
I’m here for you, too!
