“How do I respond to tough questions or comments, without seeming wishy washy or difficult.” This concern comes up in coaching sessions.
Whether you’re new to business, have been around for a while, or are an experienced CEO, it’s not uncommon for a woman to feel stuck or blocked when trying to voice her opinions.
1. Unspoken Expectations
There is an unspoken expectation that women are peace keepers. This expectation often holds us back from saying what we really feel or believe.
In professional settings, if we “speak up” it can also be perceived that we are being pushy or even aggressive. This too can stop us from saying what we really believe or know.
2. Mother knows best
To help you, I’m sharing a communication format I’ve been sharing with women for years. It was developed from a process my mother used when she taught communication skills. You’re in good hands.
3. Calming Breaths
Begin your conversation by taking a calming breath. It relaxes your nervous system. This makes it possible to not ramble. Now you can speak from a focused place.
4. Smaller Pieces
Break what you heard into smaller pieces.If the speaker shares lots of information, or states several issues in a question or comment, in your mind break down what they said into smaller pieces.
5. Skip the Assumptions
Don’t Make Assumptions.If what they said isn’t clear to you, it is vague, or you’re getting lost in the details, don’t make assumptions. Clarify one detail at a time. It will keep everyone on track.
Try Saying This:
“Just to clarify, are you wanting more information or clarification about …”
or
“Just so I know the specific info you want, can you give me an example?
After asking a clarifying question, be quiet. This gives the person a chance to think. Then they can give you better information to work with.
Another advantage of using this technique is that you’ll feel more comfortable speaking up, because you’re not speaking over someone. Instead, you’re setting the stage to work together, which happens more naturally when someone feels heard.
6. Respond to One Thing
You’ll get lost in the details if you try to address everything at once.
To be most effective, and impressive, respond to one of their questions, or comments, at a time.
Then move to the next point they raised.
This will shorten your conversation and produce better results.
7. Keep it Short
Keep your response short. It’s too easy to babble and get off track when responding, especially if it’s something you feel strongly about.
To stay focused, you can start by restating what you now understand to be their question or comment.
Try This:
“Regarding (or about) the comment or question X…
Then Add This:
…the reason we/I suggested Y was …”
8. Check-In
After you respond, do a check-in. Future problems can be avoided when you find out what the person is thinking/feeling about your response, in the moment. Checking in can take courage. You might not like what you hear. But it is better to find out in person so you can fix it now.
Below are responses for both scenarios.
Try Saying This:
“Did that answer your question”. If you hear yes, move on to the next thing they wanted to know and/or were expressing in their comments.
If you hear “No, it didn’t answer my question”, wait to see if they’ll offer more information. If not, you need to check in again.
Try Saying This:
“What else would you like to know about X”
or
“Could provide more specific information (details, examples…)?”
Once you hear their new answer, respond again. This time you might find yourself adding additional information to clarify your position or to build on what they are looking for. Either way, you are working to resolve things in real time.
9. Demonstrate Your Professionalism
When you check-in to make sure you truly understand what’s being asked or said, the speaker feels heard.
When responding to questions and/or comments, one issue at a time, everyone stays focused. You’ll also feel calmer and more prepared.
This style of communication not only fits women better, but it also shows your professionalism, resolves issues quicker, and keeps the doors to communication open.
10. Build Your Confidence
Developing and using new techniques can feel unnatural at first. I highly recommend that you practice these new methods, before you have a real conversation. This will build your confidence.
A method we use in coaching sessions is to roleplay your actual communication scenarios. Trying out new skills, in a supportive environment, creates new brain pathways and builds your confidence. This is what makes lasting and repeatable changes for you.
I’m here if you need help.
